"quotable slurpee zippo rant-and-rave compendum file"
last update: 18:35 8/5/99
collected shit that kinda dribbles outta slurpee's head and sorta drips onto whoever is on the zippo cuseeme reflector at the time...
pretty much self promoting, but hey, who isn't, right?


Slurpee: when a piece of glass you're working on randomly decides to fracture and send ONE tiny, almost-red hot sliver to land on the back of your hand, it hurts.

Slurpee: heh, bottles shattering on my desk are cool

Slurpee: he was a han prole out of xiang, fresh with dirt and blue worker's clothes and optimism for life in bejing. the harvest had been good, and he had the money to get himself to the big city, where he hoped to find work, somewhere, maybe in a party office, and send for his wife and son in a few months.

Slurpee: i just cleaned my belly button out with rubbing alcohol. hey, i was bored.

Slurpee: i have a heapin' helpin' of applications open

Slurpee: <---blames any of loorimar's quirks on "thos crazy germans"

Slurpee: i may be a bitch, but i sho' got hoes

Slurpee: thant thing hasta be RUBBIN' BEAN 24/7!

Slurpee: leen: born albert vican, he led a toubled childhood, often getting beat with reeds by his catholic school headmistress. at the age of 14, he began dressing up like a woman in the privacy of his treehouse in upscale, rural conneticut. at the age of 16 he took part in his first drag show. dressed up as "mindy" he sang a rousing rendition of "girls just wanna have fun" in upstate new york. at the age of 18, he flew to sweden on saved up money and began the preperations for a gender change operation. fully recovered six months later, she traveled back to the united states, and choosing never to go home, settled in the greater los angeles area, first in west hollywood, then orange county.

Slurpee: SOA HAS A TIE ON. well, i've lost all respect for you, man.

Slurpee: i should think about eating something besides Chee-tos¨ Brand Cheese Flavored Snacks.

Slurpee: life gets fun the fewer neurotransmitters you have

Slurpee: once i was sitting behing thes guy on the bus that was rather... "natural smelling", and then he said something and he had this thick french accent, and i thought "WAY TO REINFORCE THE STEREOTYPE, PAL!"

Slurpee: <---basks in the glow of a superior operating system

Slurpee: of course, if pac bell didn't suck my left testicle and call me Hans i'd have DSl

Slurpee : you can't have two horses on one feedbag. well, ok, maybe in some german flicks.

Slurpee: heh, uhm, i have never, nor do i ever want to, see any of my friend's balls. male or "female"

Slurpee: mmm... a turkey cheddar & dijon pita sandwich and a strawberry-lime jones soda. life is good.

Slurpee: any movie where we bomb canada is ok by me

Slurpee: it's funny to see big spoilers on cars that can't even get up to the speed where the spoiler would actually do something.

Slurpee: yeah, that's a face that just screams "PLIZ TO SEE NEKKID MILK GLANDS!"

Slurpee: phiggidy phat slapjack paddywhack give a dog a bone

Slurpee: hey, i like to give my undercarriage a little "how's your father" when in the shower

Slurpee: when you've got balls of steel, you'd better know how to weld.

Slurpee: there are /far/ better ways to express independence and teen angst. crime sprees, for example.

Slurpee: but everyone is someone's bitch

Slurpee: "99 bitches of mine on a wall, 99 bitches of mine, take one down, pass it around, 98 bitches of mine on the wall..."

Slurpee: sleep is for the wicked and the weak.

Slurpee: if i could find something to do for 8 hours (and masturbating would only last 6) i would not go to sleep

Slurpee: everyone needs a pair of baggy plaid flannel sleeping pants. i think it would make the world a better place.

Slurpee: i wanna make a t-shirt: "Don't stunt your kid's growth. Give them a Mac."

Slurpee: mean with a full mouth, baby! it means i'll still whup ass while eating.

Slurpee: any party trick where you have to remove your pants is bad

Slurpee: mmmm...audi s8. i want to rub naked against that car.

Slurpee: one thing that whitefolk and blackfolk can share is a love of fine malt liquor

Slurpee: nono, i'm hung like a mid-air refueling C-130

Slurpee: doom didn't teach me how to kill. it was the cia school for death squads that did it.

Slurpee: mmmm, i wanna smoke crack for satan.

Slurpee: ok, so you see a chick in a magazine all scantily clad and whatnot and you think "hey, she's pretty airbrushed" and then you think "hey, fuck it, she's hot"

Slurpee: when the volume is at high noon, you know i'm having fun.

Slurpee: gib isn't gay or straight, he's just easy.

Slurpee: a block of c4 could lift something like 10 suburbans in the air. not exactly fireplace matrial.

Slurpee: i've completely replaced my body's water with Crisco-brand shartening and i've never felt better!

Slurpee: mmmm, sarcasm & belligerance, staples of teenage life.

Slurpee: "oh, i can run around and kill people. i'm certified."

Slurpee: i just want motion sensetive miniguns on my roof. gets rid of pesky girlscouts with 3000 rounds per minute efficiency.

Slurpee: i'm not stoned, i'm just multitasking

Slurpee: computers can blow things? omg! WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?

Slurpee: ok, is it wrong to like the food at the target in-store eatery? or at k-mart?

Slurpee: preacher, what you may consider sins i consider valuable life experiences. experiences which have shaped me as a person, shaped my view of the world hand helped me to see what is real in this world, what is worth fighting and striving for. but some people think these "sins" are bad for me, that my view should be narrowed to a small and trivial existance that is void of adventure, pain and pleasure. whatever "sins" i have comitted, whether they have affected me in a positive or negative way, are a part of my life and i would not give them up.

Slurpee: my, these shotgun shells sure are cold on my nipples

Slurpee: gib's got that "scrawny jew kid" look

Slurpee: if you wanna argue about the existence of god, go for something like how everything in the cosmos came together quite nicely over billions of years to have "ernest" movies as the end product.

Slurpee: yeah herr, came as a shock to me when i found out i was mexican. i was thinking HOLY FUCK! NO WONDER I LIKE BEANS!

Slurpee: "Siecor X-77 Automatic Fusion Splicer" WOW! i dunno what it is but I want one so i can say that i have one!

Slurpee: i hate looking a a /really/ shitty web page and knowing you can't do anything about it

Slurpee : i could have gibby over one shoulder and stega over the other... an m16 in one hand and a .45 in the other, running through the jungle, VC tracers shooting overhead...

Slurpee: i hadda eat maruchan instant lunch tonight for dinner. i feel so dirty.

Slurpee: <---lives on the edge. runs mozilla.

Slurpee: i work on my web page to bring about the eventual downfall of civilization as we know it. what's new?

Slurpee [3]: ah, but when your cell phone number starts with "666" you know the big guy down under has something special in store for you

Slurpee: i really like when the clouds glow orange and the black-blue night sky shows through them in breaks.

Slurpee: whee, nothing like handling loaded firearms while a quart low on neurotransmitters!

Slurpee: nothing like being up for thirty-six hours, wired on endorphins and caffiene trying to make your hands move as fast as your mind without laughing your head of in manaical frustration at the absurd creativity that's just wanting to split your skull open and rampage across any form of expression it can.

Slurpee: bleu, i want you to bear my children in the coming postnuclear apocalyptic life.

Slurpee: i use these powers for good, baby.

Slurpee: dammit, you aren't supposed to hear dog farts! they just don't have buttocks, for chrissakes!

Slurpee: YOU FUCKING FREAKS LEAVE ME ALONE! GODDAMIT STOP HANGING OUTSIDE OF MY HOUSE SMOKING CLOVES! GODDAMN YOU PEOPLE! GO TO HELL! YOU GO TO HELL AND YOU DIE!

Slurpee: i hate 12 or 14 year old raver chicks, because they're always SO GODDAMN FUCKING CUTE

Slurpee: shoot up some heroin, man! IT GOES WITH THE LIFESTYLE!

Slurpee: tenderizing a rump roast does NOT count as "pounding ass"!

Slurpee: don't mind them. they're horny.

Slurpee: well, you don't see nearly as many mac users making the switch to linux as pc users because, frankly, our operating system dosen't suck.

Slurpee: i feel like drilling a hole in my skull to release the pressure of the voices in my head telling me to give you all really, really hard noogfies. but that would be kinda messy so i'll just bear it.

Slurpee: i'm soo beyond help. all i need now is lots of illegal drugs, gratuitous sex, and explosives.

Slurpee: I'D SHOOT YOU ALL BUT YOU'RE NOT WORTH THE BULLETS, SO I'D JUST LINE YOU UP AND USE ONE BIG BULLET TO SHOOT THROUGHT YOU ALL!

Slurpee: TCI is being run my SCARY TROLLS HELLBENT ON TORTURING GEEKS with tales of cable modems that ACTUALLY WORK

Slurpee: i don't sleep, i just close my eyes for several hours and think

Slurpee: dude, i could bungie jump offa your tailbone.

Slurpee: my left nut is still hurting, dammit.

Slurpee: we're "g" rated. as in "homie-g"

Slurpee: i know jesus, he serves tacos at a place not far from here

Slurpee: i'd just sit back in the smug knowledge that my OS and it's users could wipe the street with yours

Slurpee: i have fucked up sleep patterns. comes with the geek lifestyle.

Slurpee: mmmm, breathsavers, breakfast of champions.

Slurpee: hrmmm, i should think of an interesting story for this scar on my upper lip other than "i cut myself trying to shave when i was 7"

Skeptic: I hope you have the latest TCP/IP safe guards installed Slurpster
Slurpee: yeah skeptic. i do.
Slurpee: it's called "MacOS"

Slurpee: sharp pointy things motivate me

Slurpee: and WHAM sixteen iranian midgets come and kidnap to sell you into slavery to a czech madam.

Slurpee: you deserve nothing but to be spanked my a three hundred pound estonian wrestler wearing leather pants and a tutu.

Slurpee: dude, i'm talking about trying to suck your own dick.

Slurpee: i hate wanting and needing to do something but never thinking of doing it until late at night when you hate that you can't get it done then even though you really really want too it's already too late and by the time you wake up the next morning you've forgotten it until late that night. and the vicious cycle continues.

Slurpee: it's pretty sad when everyone has to run a firewall... but me.

Slurpee: propane canisters don't make very good breasts.

Slurpee: ooo, picard's finger is right on my nipple!

Slurpee: i speak the language of love. it's quite a lively...tounge.

Slurpee: wouldn't it be wierd if some guy walked up to you on the street and said "END OF WORLD NOW" and the ground started shaking, fire and brimstone, demons, you know, the end of the world.

Slurpee: boy, staying awake is hard at 5:17AM.
especially after 4 tsp (20 mL) vicodin syrup.
drugs are good.

Slurpee: but it's a pretty sizeable tents, so we should be able to set up our sleeping bags so they aren't touching, thus saving our masculinity and straightness.

Slurpee: "my, this dinosaur shit sure is fresh"

Slurpee: X-Treme CU on ESPN-2: "and, oooh, she is just RIPPING on that perv!" "well bob, i'll just be he's gonna be limp real soon now" "oh my, there has been a SERIOUS foul comitted - just look at how that guy has his capslock on!"

Slurpee: wow, i could pull a bullet out of someone with these pliers

Slurpee: "momma always said: if you smell sumptin' but didn't hear nuthin', then it probably was the dog, momma always said."

Slurpee: i hate bleeding out into my sink. it's such a waste of time.

Slurpee: wow, i could pull a bullet out of someone with these pliers

Slurpee: ignorance is bliss. until it smacks you in the face and takes your wallet.

Slurpee: protected memory: "git the FUCK back from my GODDAMN memory 'fore I blow your FUCKIN' head off"

Slurpee: "BLADDER QUEST: The new role-playing game from Steve Jackson Games! In several heart-pounding scenarios (movie, airplane, in-laws house), you must brave your way to the bathroom to achieve maximum relief!"

Slurpee: chew with your mouth closed and your mind open

Slurpee: man, there's nothing like emptying the trash when it's over twenty megs... it's like taking a big dump, you know? very refreshing...

Slurpee: eight kinds of salsa, plum sauce, hoisin sauce, chipotle, seven different kinds of mustard, three kinds of ketchup, pesto, four kinds of cream cheeses, habanero sauce, soy sauce, fish sauce, mayonaise, vinegar, flavored oils, jalapeno sauce, tabasco sauce, garlic tabasco sauce, jalapeno tabasco sauce, three kinds of salad dressings, cheese sauce, two kinds of barbecue sauce, and, of course, worcestershire sauce.

Slurpee: i was hoping my blood would do something cool when mixed with naptha lighter fluid, but it just sat there

Slurpee: and just remember cat, if you're walking down some dark street late at night, hear a gunshot, and turn around to see a would-be mugger lying on the ground cluthing his arm - just look up at the rooftops...

Slurpee: blood, haplo - i'll just get another bloody nose!
Slurpee: it's *two* *two* *two* bodily fluids in one!
Slurpee: blood and mucous!

Slurpee: just say NO to nitrous oxide

Slurpee: it's like...volkswagons. you don't need reasons. just buy one, and all of a sudden, reasons seem absurd. it just makes sense.

Slurpee: one day the fleas are gonna revolt and i'm gonna wake up with, startlingly, no blood

Slurpee: i felt warm and fuzzy inside when i swallowed that chihuahua.

Slurpee: i have an iron railroad spike. for robotic vampires.

Slurpee: Proving oneself - it's the human way of making themselves feel that it's all not pointless. Self-importance feeds self-esteem. Self-esteem feeds life.

Slurpee: crazy is just as vauge as normal

Slurpee: Cigarette's don't cause cancer - it's the filters. Tear 'em off!

Slurpee: i would walk around wearing a bulletproof body armor as a fashon statement. if i could afford it. maybe.

Slurpee: i got bored today so i filed a rusted nail until it was shiny during king fu:the legend continues

Slurpee: garn - i'm probably gonna be in your nightmare as a scalpel, scissor, and syringe-wielding mummy wearing a respirator, sunglasses, and gloves, spraying lighter fluid everywhere and ignting it with a matte black zippo...

Slurpee: mako - instead of venting here, why don't you go to the nearest friendly alcohol-serving establishment that serves a number of the wonderful biker gangs that populate this earth. there, you are free, with the proper identification, to drink any type and amount of alcoholic beverages there. when you feel sufficiently intoxicated, you are then free to meet any one of the many large motorcycle enthusiaste that attend that establishment (who is to be to thess than twice [2x] your body weight) and converse with him in the way you have been here. he then will be happy to offer his services and Rearrange Your Face, which will, no doubt, attract more of the opposite (or same) sex than it does now.

Slurpee: yes, we can deny a microsoft world. which is why i'd just love to be dropped off somewhere outiside of redmond washington at 0200 in assault gear. my right flank has several HERF-guns, my left has the power supplys. kangaroo-puched on my chest are cd-roms and disks filled with fast-acting, network-spreadable virii that exploit the latest holes in microsoft software. running low and quiet, we'd enter the microsoft compound and plant HERF guns and their power at points in the buildings where servers and key machines (gateways, routers) reside. the cd's and disks will be inserted and excecuted, virii speading quickly. two hours later, after the spread is complete, the time-delayed HERF-guns power up and discharge, wreaking havoc on any microelectronic-based devices in the vicinity.

Slurpee: how many pubescent boys do you think spend at least a week laying in bed at night almost displacing vertebrae by contorting their bodies into all sorts of uncomfortable and dangerous positions to achieve the holy grail of Giving Oneself Oral Sex?

Slurpee: i was sitting out front afterschool with a friend of mine. i was joking around, and i had my finger pointing right at her nose. she jokingly moves to bite my finger, and i make no move to draw away. she bites down (not /too/ hard) on my finger for a few seconds, and then lets go. "why didn't you move back?" "I didn't feel like it." "it didn't hurt?" "nah." so to expiriment, she takes my finger (right index) and bites down (hard) between the joint and fingernail with her canine. after about seven second, she lets go. "that didn't hurt?" "not really." "well, at least i didn't break the skin." "oh, you did." I proceed to show her the gash in my finger that her tooth left. "oh fuck! is it bleeding?" "nope." "jesus! my god didn't that hurt?" "yeah, but not alot. i just didn't feel like pulling away." I carefully push the skin back into place over the puncture.

Slurpee: yep. i'm just really tired. i think way too much and i get about a quart low on neurotransmitters and endorphins, but i just keep on thinking. when i die i think my brain will live on for a few hours after the flesh does, simply contmeplating the existance of the empty shell that the grey matter sits in. not even feeling seeing tasting touching hearing. just thinking. the true sixth sense. lets you see taste touch smell hear your own thoughts your own feelings your very self. i just have to relax and clear my mind sometimes, but it's so hard. the only thing i can do is just lie in bed and think, barely move (my heart and lungs need some movement), and try not to think about my other senses. just hink. since i can't stop the mind, i stop the body. it's that simple.

Slurpee: well kiddies i'm going to head off to the slumberland...OF THE DAMNED! MUHAHAHAHA!

Slurpee: easy to make noise, hard to organize it (wait! that's any musical instrument!)

Slurpee: "Macintosh. The power to type in you vid window."

Slurpee: nuthin' much...just chowin' down and planning the eventual takeover of every third-world country through the use of propaganda, financial means, guerilla warfare, sabotage, and eventual full armed conflict.

Slurpee: When I get tired, the neurotransmitters flow, the endorphins go, and my senses perk up. And I don't know why.

Slurpee: Natural Disasters? Ooooohhhhh, yeah. We have an earthquake every week. Forest fires? They're commonplace? Floods? Pestilence? Famine? All the time! In fact, the Four Horsemen are gonna be doing a book talk and signing about their latest release "Why We Hate California And Make Everyone Believe It's A Terrible Place"

Slurpee: I'm rather proud of my 50% post-consumer recycled breasts...

Slurpee: Yep. Poetry me. you should see me - beret-alan-ginsberg-bongoes-jack-kerouac-coffee-finger-snap-cafe me, daddy-o.

Slurpee: I need a big gun. Everyone needs a big gun. And lots of explosives. and body armor. 'Cause I'm in the NRA!

Slurpee: and on that note i retreat to bed to relax and sigh, but who knows what awaits me in the slumerland of my mind. i oculd be greeted by the most beautiful visions of utopia, elysian fields of my mind, beautiful and euphoric. it could be the very vision of hell, or at least the worst fears dreged from the very pit of humanity's collective minds the stuff that mothers do not dare utter to their children for fear of inciting insanity in the tender mind of youth.

Slurpee: yes...the bed is definitely calling my name in it's siren voice, resistable by no man but those of the sirens' minions the soulless and damned who walk the earth to bring the unfortunate and wretched beings to the gaping maw of the beast to teeter on the edge of insanity for an instant, only to be whipped back to realitylike some cheap toy in the hands of a child who does not know the power that it hold in it's hands

Slurpee: that tiny glass dot is my window to the world, no, it's their window to my world. can they see all i feel. video - the great internet equalizer but then it's not at all. a tiny window into my world and yours and it cannot nearly express the pain, love, hate, passion of my world. can it do it for yours? was that a dramatic, thoughtful pause, or just a burp on my phone lines? you smile but i miss it i roll my eyes and you miss it.

Slurpee: love is an odd traveler that picks odd places to stay. sometimes it is a welcome visitor, sometimes it is a burden on it's host. but there is no way that you can send this visitor on it's way - it dictates your actions and can control your life or give you the most glorious freedom, all changing in a second.

Slurpee: OK, kids, listen up. When you crank up your stereo to a level it's never been before at a length of time that it's never been before, and two minutes later, you smell burning SOMETHING, I think it's time to turn it down...